Enter, the Strong-Willed Child…
Have you ever lost a fight to a three-year-old? I have, many of times, and I have to say, they have been some of the most emotionally and mentally draining experiences in my motherhood journey. Oh yes, raising a strong-willed child is a force to be reckoned with, just picture a little tornado, a pint-sized typhoon, or a tiny hurricane ready to destroy everything in its path, all wrapped up in one cute and determined package. This child, who at the ripe old age of three will argue with you about the proper way to brush their teeth or try to pressure you into believing their way of putting shoes on is best, and I mean while hanging upside down from the foyer bench, all while wearing their shirt on backwards. This is the child that will secretly attempt to steal a cookie even though you made it clear that there were no cookies before dinner, and debate why having a second bowl of ice-cream is healthy because it contains bananas, and despite all their stubbornness, you can't help but be impressed by their tenacity and persistence, in fact, you might even secretly admire their ability to stand their ground and fight for what they want. I should warn you, just make sure you buckle up for the ride because this little powerhouse is going places!
As a parent, raising a strong-willed child can be quite the adventure, there are moments of pride and joy, as well as moments of frustration, but through it all one thing is certain, allowing your strong-willed child to grow and develop their personality will only strengthen your bond with them, and help them in becoming the amazing adults every parent hopes for. First, let's talk about the good parts of having a strong-willed child, for starts, they're often very determined and independent, which means they know what they want and they're not afraid to go after it, they stand up for themselves in situations where their self-worth is being challenged, and this can be an incredibly admirable trait. Determination and independence go hand in hand with creativity and imagination, so they most likely won’t be afraid to think outside the box and be able to come up with new and interesting ideas.
Now, for the moments of frustration, these strengths do come with some challenges. Strong-willed children can be stubborn and may resist authority, or rules that they don't agree with, they may also become more likely to throw tantrums or argue when they don't get their way, but while these moments can be difficult to deal with, it's important to remember that your child’s strong will is a sign of their budding personality and desire for independence.
So, how can you help your strong-willed child grow and develop into an amazing adult? The first step is to give them space to be themselves and allow them to make choices, by doing so, it will allow your child to express their opinions, even if they might differ from yours. Ultimately, this will help them feel heard, respected and encourage them to continue developing their own sense of self. Remember, it is equally as important to set boundaries and enforce rules when necessary. You want to encourage your child's independence, but you also need to teach them to respect authority and understand the consequences of their actions. This can be a delicate balance, but with patience and consistency, you can help your child learn to navigate the world around them. Our children watch and learn from our own behaviours, so we as parents also need to model that behaviour through healthy communication and positive conflict resolution when handling disagreements and challenges, especially with our children. I know I can speak for myself, I am not the perfect parent. I have had my share of moments of regret in how I have handled situations, and this isn’t an easy fix for all of the battles you may face with your children, but these small changes have made a huge impact in my own relationship with my boys, helped me grow as a person, and I am a better mother for it.
Finally, remember to have fun with your strong-willed child, they may challenge you at times, but they also have a great sense of humour and can tell the most amazing stories, so enjoy every moment with your little tornadoes, because one day they will become these wonderful adults that you had a part in raising.
Don’t forget, while you’re out and about, always be kind, as you never know if someone may have just lost a battle that day to a feisty strong-willed child.
XO,
Sandra